3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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