I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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