dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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