i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
