I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just want to make out with him forever
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
