I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
