I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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