It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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