so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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