bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we're so committed to being not committed
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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