It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
