i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
FUCK WHALES
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
