he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
