i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
