she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
