Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
