So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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