I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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