remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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