thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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