I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
