he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
