Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
