my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
