I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
where are you?
Hypothermia
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
