and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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