dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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