I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
