I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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