There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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