I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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