$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
