i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
