return my video game
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
