We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
