..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
