He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
