I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
