My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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