My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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