we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
is it fun? or sober?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
