and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He passed out mid-signature
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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