i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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