my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
