oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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