I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
