he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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