Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
