if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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