So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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