ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
