One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
