Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
