How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
