Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
