god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
