ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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