Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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