idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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