I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
