I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
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It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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