This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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