well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
