ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
