We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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