I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
