At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
