why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
