i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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