I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
