Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His hands were made for my vagina.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
