your thong is hanging out like whoa
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
