It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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