You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
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The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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