There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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