Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize