Me too!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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