I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
